PORNOGRAPHY …On the other end of the phone was the voice of a wife showing all kinds of emotions. I listen as she gave a discription of the last 24 hours. He told me he would not do it again and I believed him. I went on the computer this morning and there it was he had been looking at PORNOGRAPHY! He was up late the night before. I fell asleep as I was waiting for him to come to bed. Then today I found it AGAIN; I sit quietly as I hear her sobbing!
So what do you do if this happens to you? This is not easy to answer. Each situation is different but the results are all the same, you two are facing a problem needing a third party to help you walk through this together. If you confront him right away that gets the ball rolling. You both need to talk (civil I might add) making a plan to get help. If he can’t quit there is a problem and it is called an addiction.
What if he does not want help? Then you might have to tell him that you do and you call someone you can trust. Your Pastor is a start. I believe in being loyal, but in this case you are being loyal by reaching out for help, drawing some boundaries that will cause him to get the help he needs. Sometimes called, Love Must Be Tough! I want to remind you that the less people you tell the better. We have the tendency to want to tell others to have someone to feel sorry for us. It will breed Self-Pity and will become a black hold so beware and hold your tongue. Another reason not to tell, is when he gets help and is restored to a healthy condition, others might not find it as easy to forgive and forget, and want to hold it against him when he truly has been forgiven for The One Who Forgives to remember it no more. And I will add here you will have forgiven him and you both want to walk forward not looking back. And one more reason….to put it plainly…”it just isn’t anybody’s business”. A good question to ask yourself when you want to tell is, “what is my motive in telling this?”
If what I have described above should happen to you, it is not the end of the world. It might feel like it, but if all the parties involved play out their roles with Father leading the way you will one day be able to look back and see a benefit, I promise as I read Romans 8:28! We have seen it in our office and know of couples today that have been there and now are helping other couples as they walk along beside them as they walk toward Victory having a pure marriage that makes a picture of Christ and His Church….hummmmm that is maybe something to write about on another day!