PERFECTIONISM…. YOU CONTROLLED BY THIS?…

 

Look at the Characteristics of the Perfectionist and find out.  We see this in clients that come to our office especially with those in full time vocational ministry.  Seems to be a “breeding” ground for it.  Those who need approval are easily drawn into it.  So many demands and expectations, if we’re not confident in who we are and know what our purpose is with a plan, BTW!!!,we can become victim to the “P” word……
Perfectionism is the need to always be first or best, to always achieve and never make mistakes. It is common in our culture. Women, in particular, are susceptible to this problem. They have traditionally been taught the role of service to others and are highly vulnerable to the kind of perfectionist thinking that says they should always be helpful and gracious. Traditionally, women have assumed the homemaker role and worked to have the best-behaved children, the whitest laundry and the cleanest house on the block. Today’s woman has more options, but despite the great strides that have been made in this arena, a woman’s perception of herself is colored by what she learned as a child and by how society views her.
Men, too, are burdened by antiquated and limited notions of what a man should be. Their self worth is often based on a successful career and the ability to provide financially for their families. They may believe they must be the perfect husband and father to be worthwhile.
Perhaps you are thinking, “So what if I am a perfectionist?  I thought it was one of my strengths.” While it is true that perfectionism can yield some positive results in the short-run, in the long-run it is self-defeating.

 

A perfectionist is likely to be characterized by several of the following:
  • An insatiable need for achievement;
  • A need to be indispensable;
  • No room allowed for mistakes in self or others;
  • Unrealistic expectations of self and others;
  • Impossible goals set for self and others;
  • Need for approval from everyone;
  • Concentration on failures;
  • Extreme competitiveness;
  • Fear of taking risks;
  • Procrastination, put it off until you can “do it right” !
  • Difficulty accepting criticism.
    These kinds of thinking and these behaviors cause a great deal of stress. To reduce the stress caused by perfectionism, you must learn to change your thinking patterns. Accept the truth that your mistakes do not devalue you. Recognize that mistakes can be a way to learn. Examine your thinking patterns to discover which thoughts are irrational and unnecessarily upsetting. For example, it is both irrational and upsetting to tell yourself that you must be perfect to be accepted by others.
    If you recognize that there is no truth in such statements, you can dispute these deceptive thoughts and change your thinking. This will help reduce upset feelings and the likelihood of getting into self-destructive thinking and behavior patterns.
Changing the Pattern

The following steps will help you change your thinking.
  • Identify the event or situation which causes stress. Be careful to include only facts.
  • Listen to your thoughts (self-talk) about the situation, and change them if they are unnecessarily upsetting you.
  • Identify the feelings you have about the situation. Do you feel angry, anxious, fearful, etc.?
  • Challenge your irrational, unrealistic or untruthful thoughts.
  • Learn to problem solve. Ask yourself if there is anything that can be done about the situation. List your options and choose the constructive actions that seem most workable.
    Knowing that we are engaging in self-defeating behaviors and actually changing those behaviors are two different things. Habits take time to form and it takes time and practice to change them. Research has revealed that it takes 21 continuous days of practicing a new behavior to break a habit. So don’t become discouraged. In less than a month you can make significant progress toward changing your thinking patterns and reducing the stress in your life.
 
 
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LIVING IN HIS GRIP….

 

First saw this phrase from Max Lacado’s writings. Claiming this Truth is walking in trust that Father is keeping us safely in His Hand.  This verse comes to mind as a promise that supports that statement…..John 10:29 … He is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand.
As I read the following email from our friend Robin, I couldn’t help but think what faith she has as she is clinging to Him during her days of uncertainty. I want to share this information with you so you can see how He has guided her in the right direction and how this medical team is functioning on their end in Faith also! 
Greetings!
I just wanted to give an update on things. First of all, let me say what a MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!!! He is Sovereign and I am so grateful that He has plans for my life – they are plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future.
After switching doctors to the Hope Women’s Cancer Center (at the direction and mighty orchestration of God) I have a wonderful doctor named Ashley Case. She is very thorough and everyone at her office has been absolutely great. I have had several more biopsies and had a PET scan done this past Monday. These tests show that I have cancer in my cervix and that my right ovary is also involved. I am scheduled for surgery on September 8th at 8:30am at Mission Hospital in Asheville, NC. They will remove my cervix, surrounding tissues, right ovary, and lymph nodes.
I am believing God – that all has been revealed and now we know the plan of the enemy. While visiting my doctor for my pre-op appointment, my doctor’s office helped in laying out a “battle plan”. After going over all of the details of my “condition” and the details of the surgery being done, she began to tell me that they are a spiritually based practice. She then proceeded to assist me in laying out a battle plan in prayer.
She asked that my prayer warriors continue to pray for me, for their practice and doctors, those at the hospital that will be involved, and then she asked specifically that everyone pray on my day of surgery. She was very insistent that the prayer not end that day. She said the week after my surgery is critical for prayer – this is when they will be doing all the final pathology reports.
I feel confident that God cannot lie and I am standing on HIS Word that says – it is His will for me to be healed! Thank you so much for joining me in this battle. God has been so good to me during this season; giving me a peace and assurance that I know can only come from Him. I give Him all the glory for my life and the blessings that come each day! Thank you for all your prayers.
In HIS Grip,
Robin
(September 15thupdate from Robin….. “I am so in love….God has literally carried me through the last week, holding me safe and tight in His arms. He never leaves or forsakes us…..At home now – on my road to a brand new me! thank you for all the prayers….keep them coming!)

PTL what a good report talk about Living In His Grip!!!…Oct 1st Great Report “Oh, did I forget to mention that IT IS FINISHED….no further treatment necessary! Praise the LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is so good!